


kissed your scalp and caressed your brain

by Seasons_of_my_life



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Cancer, M/M, no mentions of cheating so you can pretend it doesn't happen, season 3 episode 5, the intimacy of letting someone shave your head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seasons_of_my_life/pseuds/Seasons_of_my_life
Summary: Omar shaves Ander's head in the middle of the night
Relationships: Ander Muñoz/Omar Shana
Comments: 6
Kudos: 131





	kissed your scalp and caressed your brain

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Buzzcut Season by Lorde  
> this is my first time publishing anything so please be gentle

“I'm scared shitless, and so are you”, Ander said.

Omar sighed and briefly closed his eyes. He didn't want this conversation to happen – he had wanted to be a steady positive presence during Ander's treatment, and stifle his own feelings as much as possible. He knew that Ander was scared of being a burden to others, of making them suffer with him – that's why he kept pushing Omar away, thinking that would be the best for him. And even though Omar thought he had made it clear that he was going to stay no matter what, he still didn't want Ander to see him suffer and feel guilty about it again. Acknowledging his own fear and pain also meant making it real. It meant they couldn't pretend anymore. That pretense, that Omar was okay, was supposed to protect the both of them. He didn't know how else to keep going. He was scared he was gonna start crying and never stop if he addressed his own buried feelings about his boyfriend's illness. But here they were. And Ander had stripped him of his armor. Omar didn't know what to do.

He cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that had formed there, and quietly said, “Yeah. I am. But...” -

“No but”, Ander interrupted. “Then stop lying to me. This sucks for you. This isn't what you signed up for. And when my hair is gone...you're not okay with that. How are you even gonna be able to look at me?” -

“Shit, hey, whoah”, Omar said. “Yes, I'm scared, and you losing your hair makes everything even more real and terrifying, but...I will always love looking at you. Even when you're sick, and even when you maybe look sick. I love your stupid face, hair or no hair.”

Ander smiled weakly. He looked down at his hands. “Everybody always complimented me about my hair. It's, like, my defining feature. I was Ander, the curly-haired tennis player. Then only Ander with the curly hair. What am I now? Ander, the one without hair. Ander, the one who has cancer. Everyone who looks at me will know. And I'm gonna look stupid. I don't want to watch myself lose my hair. I don't know how to take it.”

Omar took one of his hands between his own. “Then take charge. Show the cancer and the chemo who's boss. You decide when and how you lose your hair. Get rid of it like a band-aid. Maybe it's easier then.”

Ander audibly breathed out. He looked so small and fragile, so young all of a sudden. Sometimes Omar forgot they were just 17 and had not been dealing with this for years already. It made him feel old and tired. But no, right now, they were 17, and they had no fucking clue how to go on.

“Okay”, Ander said, “okay.” His voice got firmer and he straightened his back. “Let's do it!” Omar laughed, astonished. “You wanna do it now? It's like 2 a.m.!”

But when he saw Ander draw back a bit, he quickly amended, “Whatever! How do you wanna do it?” “Can you help me?” Ander sounded pleading. “I would feel better if you did it for me.” “Of course!”, Omar swiftly answered, “I'll do it. With love.” He raised Ander's hand, still clutched between his own, to his mouth and kissed it. Ander smiled, sincerely, despite the wet shine in his eyes.

They settled in the bathroom, Ander sitting on the edge of the bathtub, Omar standing behind him with the electric razor in hand. “Ready?”, he asked, feeling anxiety like ants crawling through his stomach. “Yeah”, Ander nodded. “Are you?”

Omar was silent for a second too long, causing Ander to turn around and take his free hand. “Please. I trust you. I want you to do it. But if you really don't want to, I can ask my mom tomorrow-”. He was interrupted by Omar's lips on his own. The kiss lingered for a moment before Omar pulled back. “No, I can do it. I'm ready.” He pecked Ander's lips again. “I love you.”

“I love you too”, Ander replied. He turned back around. Omar switched on the razor and positioned it at the back of Ander's head.

Strand by strand, his hair fell to the floor. Omar felt the soft curls glide through his fingers and watched them sink down gently. The only sound to be heard was the buzzing of the machine. It was a simple task, and Omar quickly got the hang of it. He caressed Ander's head wherever his scalp surfaced, trying to pour love into his motions, into his hands. Trying to deepen their connection.

Omar knew that Ander could've done this himself, or asked Azucena to do it for him, but he was glad that this was the moment Ander had decided to do it, and to let Omar handle the razor. Omar knew it meant Ander trusted him and let him in; let him be at his side through his illness and let Omar see him at his most vulnerable. Omar didn't think it was possible, but right now, he loved Ander even more.

When he was done, he bent down and placed a kiss on Ander's stubbly head. Ander moved, and for a moment Omar thought he was gonna pull away and shut him out again, but he just turned around and put his arms around Omar's waist and his head against his chest. Omar hugged him back tightly, even though the position strained his back, and kissed Ander's head again. He let his lips rest there, caressing the newly revealed skin, and hoped Ander could hear his heart beat.

They stayed like that for a while, like they needed the reassurance that the other one was there, alive, and that they were in this moment together.

Before they went back to bed, Ander stood in front of the mirror, touching his head. Omar couldn't read his face, so he just stood next to him quietly, watching his boyfriend get reacquainted with himself. When Ander finally looked at him, he asked “Okay?” in a low voice, to which Ander responded “Okay”, nodding and taking Omar's hand.

As they settled down together in bed, Ander placed one of Omar's hands on his head that he had placed on his chest again. Omar shakily breathed out and stroked Ander's scalp. This felt like progress; for Ander in accepting his treatment to fight the cancer, and for the both of them, leaning on each other. He couldn't be sure. But he loved him, that's all he knew.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! <3


End file.
